January salary, is that you?

January salary, is that you?

So you endured the 95 days in January, after balling in December, paying school fees, house rent and a million other bills

 

Then finally your endurance paid off and you see payday just ahead

 

Then you remember you borrowed money from Tunde and even took cash advance from your bank

 

While you are still trying to sort your confusion, you get a ‘just saying hi’ message from bae, because Valentine is around the corner

 

What a wawu! You can already see your account balance laughing at you like this

 

This 2018 must be different o, not that brokenness life you endured last year, you know it’s time to borrow yourself brain

 

You decide to check the ARM Money Market fund thing they have been making noise about

 

Chai, the thing is offering more than 12%  sha and you have been dulling all along

 

Quickly you sign up and set up a direct debit because this investment thing is not a joking sturv, no stories that touch please

 

Finally you can relax knowing you will ball through 2018, issa big boy

 

Wait, you still don’t have Money Market fund? Click here to sign up sharp sharp,  no excuses.

 

Welcome to the balling life, may your year be filled with Paydays!

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In the news: CBN pumps $304.4m into FX market

In the news: CBN pumps 4.4m into FX market

This Day

BDC Operators Hail Moves to Return Nigeria to JP Morgan Index

The Association of Bureaux De Change Operators of Nigeria (ABCON) has said the federal government’s plan to open talks with JPMorgan Chase & Co. for their reinstatement in the local-currency emerging-market bond index will bring great benefits to the economy.

Kaduna Refinery Shut over Lack of Crude

The Kaduna Refining and Petrochemical Company (KRPC) shut down operations on January 15 due to the non-availability of crude oil.

CBN Pumps Fresh $304.4m into Forex Market

The Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) at the weekend intervened in the Retail Secondary Market Intervention Sales (SMIS) of the interbank foreign exchange market to the tune of $304.4 million.

Vanguard

Nigeria’s external reserves hit 4-year high of $40.3bn

Nigeria’s external reserves rose  to $40.33 billion last week, the highest in four years.

9Mobile: Stakeholders seek review of criteria for finalist bidders

With the nod said to have been given to Teleology Holdings as the preferred bidder for 9Mobile by the interim board of the company, all eyes are now on industry regulator, Nigerian Communications Commission, NCC, to authenticate or disavow the said sale.

$16bn Egina probe: NASS to amend Local Content Act

The Senate has said it will amend the Nigeria Oil and Gas Industry Content Development, NOGICD Act, 2010, noting that the existing law was not achieving the aims for which it was enacted.

The Nation

NSE implements new kobo-based pricing rules

The Nigerian Stock Exchange (NSE) will today begin the implementation of its amendments to the pricing methodology and par value rules, which remove the stopgap that has supported stocks at their nominal value and will allow shares of quoted companies to trade as low as one kobo.

Equities lose N462b amidst profit-taking

Nigerian equities came under intense profit-taking pressure last week as investors turned round to monetize capital gains that had accrued in three consecutive weeks of strong rally.

Nigerian Breweries lists 67.8m scrip shares

Nigerian Breweries has listed 67.8 million ordinary shares of 50 kobo each, increasing its outstanding issued shares from 7.929 billion ordinary shares to 7.997 billion ordinary shares.

Guardian

Insurers to lose N30b statutory deposit over unpaid claims

Underwriting firms in the nation’s insurance industry, who fail to pay genuine claims, risk losing substantial part of their cumulative N30billion statutory deposits, while managing directors of such firms would be sacked, industry regulator, National Insurance Commission (NAICOM) has warned.

Bloomberg

Gas Flaring Law Error Cost Nigeria Billions of Dollars

Africa’s top oil producer plans to make gas flaring more costly for companies that have escaped the payment of billions of dollars despite being fined, Nigeria’s Finance Minister Kemi Adeosun said.

MTN Sees Return to Profit for 2017 After Loss From Nigeria Fine

MTN Group Ltd., Africa’s biggest mobile-network operator by sales, said it returned to profit in 2017, recovering from a $1 billion fine it paid for its Nigerian business in the prior period.

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Source: Articles